Tag Archives: wartime adoption

Surrogate Motherhood in Ukraine

“Maze”
artwork by author

Ukraine is a leader in surrogacy

Surrogate motherhood is a big thing in Ukraine. I didn’t know about this thriving business until the war. Now I can’t stop thinking about it. In my previous post I wrote about the couple from California who went to great lengths to get their newborn daughter out of Kyiv while the surrogate mother who gave birth to the child stayed behind. The Los Angeles Times wrote a follow-up story, which made me think about the general issue of surrogate motherhood–both traditional and gestational. You can click HERE if you want to get a clear idea of the difference between the two.

Surrogate motherhood’s price tag

Like in the adoption industry, money–lots of it–changes hands in a surrogacy arrangement. According to some info on the web from the Fertility Center of Las Vegas, surrogacy costs in the U.S. range from110,000 to 170,000 dollars. Understandably (if you can understand the concept of renting another person’s uterus,) couples go searching for a better deal. Surrogacy services have been legal in Ukraine since 2002, and the cost is reportedly between 30,000 and 40,000 U.S. dollars “for the complete package.” It’s easy to see, with that price difference, why business is thriving. Couples from all over the world turn to Ukraine to fulfill their dreams of having a family.

Basements full of babies

But first there was Covid. And now there’s a full-blown war. So there are basement bomb shelters full of babies in Ukraine. Judging from the photos some newspapers are running with the current articles about babies stuck there because of the fighting, there are lots and lots of babies. From the look of things, with some babies holding up their heads and looking around, legs dangling to the nannies’ waists, these babies were born long before the first shell dropped–probably months ago while travel was restricted due to Covid. And as if things aren’t horrific enough, there’s been worry about another wave of Covid due to crowded conditions in shelters and from the massive crowds crammed together in the exodus. It’s an unthinkable situation.

The complications of surrogacy

Like adoption, surrogacy is fraught with complications. At its heart the ethics, I think, are questionable. If you want a bit of a lengthy read, there’s this Supreme Court brief from 2018 . Having been guided on my own journey as a birthmother by Concerned United Birthparents, it’s worth noting that much of what’s in the brief was guided by CUB’s position paper on surrogacy.

For the past two weeks I’ve seen the images on TV of Ukrainians fleeing their country. People in their beautiful winter coats, their thick hats and matching scarves, the furry boots. The children bundled and looking quite cozy despite the frigid temperatures. I have no way of knowing if there were surrogate mothers in the crowd, but I’m thinking maybe not. Maybe they’re like the surrogate mother in the California story. She has two other children and a husband who’s fighting in the war. Their house is old and the basement “is closed off because it needs repair.” It doesn’t sound like she’ll be going anywhere.

The economics of surrogacy

Ukraine is the poorest country in Europe. Surrogacy is big business because women need the money. Of course, their cut of the 30 to 40 grand is around 15,000 dollars, and the agency, of course, gets its piece. Economics and ethics get wound into a tangle with surrogacy, just like in adoption.

The surrogate child

Certainly, there will be no uniform point of view from the Ukrainian children who emerge from the basements into family life– just as there is no uniform point of view from adoptees about their own past trauma. But now, with the delays due to Covid and this terrible war, it is certain that harm is being done.

How to Adopt from Ukraine

How, exactly, do you adopt a baby from Ukraine during a war? By any means necessary. What is necessary? I will tell you what I learned from a story I read recently.

But first, I will remind you that I am a birthmother/first mother and that I write from that perspective. I write about adoption because I want you to pause for a moment and reconsider the heartwarming stories so often in the news. I want you to peer inside these stories and open the door to that dimly lit room where the birthmother resides. I want you to imagine a woman in a hospital bed, the sound of shelling, her empty arms.

Escape on foot

 In this story the baby’s mother is in a hospital room in Ukraine. Bombs are dropping the morning her newborn daughter leaves with a new set of parents. But the new parents take the baby out of the hospital without getting an official discharge from the doctor. They take her even though the nurses advise against it. The baby is having trouble eating and needs special formula, and so the parents must go in search of it.

Flights out of Ukraine have been cancelled. The parents and the baby must exit by car through Poland. The bombing could intensify with each passing hour. The hired driver cancels. Then the car with the new driver gets stuck for hours in a traffic jam. Finally, the parents decide to walk. Border control officials separate them.

Leave the birthmother behind

The adoption process, whatever its particulars, is inherently designed to leave the birthmother behind. The story in the article mentions surrogacy, but does not get into the particulars of sperm and egg. The particular fact that interests me is that, even when bombs are falling, the birthmother, who may have contributed an egg as well as a womb, is barely considered. The adoptive parents tried to get the doctors to induce labor so they could take the baby sooner. Did the birthmother have a say in this?  What about when the adoptive parents took the baby from the hospital without a formal discharge? What desires did she have regarding the child she gave birth to? Did anyone honor these desires?

Tell a heroic story

Things have continued to deteriorate in Kyiv since the final week of February when a two-day-old baby girl left a hospital with a new set of parents. The three of them made it across the border into Poland, trekking through the cold, the last seven miles on foot. They got a hotel and reserved a flight back to the United States. A baby rescued from war as bombs fell. This is the story in the newspaper. This is likely the story the American parents will tell their daughter about the day she became theirs. They will tell her how they adopted a baby from Ukraine. Drama. War. Rescue. Escape. What they will say to her about the birthmother left in a city under siege?