More about words
The word chosen is part of the language of adoption. Not everyone likes it.
I have a friend who is adopted. She read what I had to say about the words birthmother and relinquish . So she started thinking about the language of adoption, too. She says “it’s like our society does a dance, continually stepping on toes.”
She doesn’t like the word “chosen.” I hadn’t thought about it before, but the images it calls to my mind should not be used for babies. Pet store window, shelf of dolls or maybe the roster of eligible men I occasionally peruse on my favorite internet dating site. But not children.
It seems to me that adoptive parents choose to adopt, but they seldom choose the baby (or at least they didn’t in the 50s, 60s and 70s. ) Telling a child she’s been chosen has implications meant to candy coat the fact that she’s been given up.
I can see why parents would do that. I can see that a young child might like that story in the beginning. But later on it’s just one more thing that dances around the truth. And people get hurt. Because it ignores the hurt.
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