10 Things to Say to a Birthmother

Mother’s Day is a difficult day to be a birthmother. Here are 10 things to say to a birthmother on Mother’s Day.

The comfort of shared experience is a good gift for a birthmother on Mother’s Day—Available on Amazon .

1. I know you’re a mother, so I’m thinking of you.

2. Is there a way I can bring some comfort to you today?

3. Wanna talk about it?

4. Would you like to go for a walk, or out for some coffee, or maybe see a movie?

5 .Do you ever think of searching for your child? or  How is your reunion going?

6. How do you think your life would be different if you’d kept your baby?

7. What would you do if your son/daughter contacted you?

8. What’s the hardest thing about Mother’s Day for you?

9. What do you think of Birth Mother’s Day? It seems kind of hard to celebrate, right? And do you even like the term birthmother? Do you prefer natural mother, bio mom, or what?

10. I really appreciate your friendship, and I want you to know I’m here for you.

Sunday is Mother’s Day. And there’s also the controversial Birthmother’s Day, “celebrated” the Saturday before Mother’s Day. This addition to the holiday calendar was initiated by a group of Birthmothers in 1990. Even though its heart is in the right place, it does not inspire balloons, flowers, cakes, or presents. If you know a woman who lost a child to adoption, reach out to her on Mother’s Day or the day before. Don’t let her spend the weekend unacknowledged.

5 thoughts on “10 Things to Say to a Birthmother

  1. Dawn Jenkins

    I never know what to say to my adopted daughter who is now an adult. We see one another once or twice a year and I live for these moments. For weeks, even months after I greive, the pain of the lost bond, the love I feel for het is slays me,. It was supposed to be an open adoption, however I recently found out the truth as to why the mother I chose for her in my dire desperation, shame, guilt, unworthiness of this precious baby girl… that woman who I gave a piece of my own heart too, thought of me like garbage, like I was dirt under het shoe. I long for a real relationship with my daughter. Tell me please how to stop the pain, how to move forward, as I am stuck.

    1. declemen Post author

      Dear Dawn,

      I’m so sorry to hear of your pain. In a way, there is no moving forward out of our situations as birth mothers. It’s one foot in front of the other, I think. Keep seeing your daughter. I think continuing on is all we can do. Keep talking. Keep visiting. Keep loving. Keep telling the truth.

    2. Laura

      My heart is breaking for you. I am an adoptive mom of two beautiful children. I honor and respect their mothers and teach them of the loving sacrifice each made to place their babies for adoption. My children will grow up feeling nothing but love and admiration for their mothers. I will encourage relationships to grow as I feel the more love, the better. I hope your daughter will see that you are a loving, selfless, courageous woman and that what you did was the biggest act of love anyone could chose for their baby. You are in my thoughts!


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